HOYSE CHAPTER 37

Chapter 37 — I Can’t, I Mustn’t

After the shock subsided, Gu Xi lowered his eyes. His fine lashes trembled like dead leaves shaken loose by the wind.

Ever since that accidental meeting with Rong Jing, he went quiet in front of Rong Jing far more often. Maybe it was shame, maybe it was not having the face to meet his gaze. He had just given this junior, whom he had recently advised, a front-row seat to so much of his own mess. Pride left him at a loss for how to smooth it over.

If he truly tore past the boundary of shame, he would not even bother covering himself.

Would Rong Jing be interested? He had put on a gas mask for goodness’ sake. Gu Xi gave a wry smile.

He did not care and yet he cared.

When Rong Jing came over again he was fully prepared, walking straight to where he had glimpsed Gu Xi a moment ago, eyes closed the whole way.

He shook open the large bath sheet and wrapped Gu Xi up tight like a cocoon. Gu Xi had been sitting too long, body cold as ice, and the soft heat of the towel swallowed him whole. He did not quite react.

Rong Jing lifted him gently to a stone bench with a cushion, not so cold.

Gu Xi, docile as a little wooden puppet, did not resist at all. Even his breathing was so light it was almost soundless.

It was not that Rong Jing was not puzzled. Gu Xi seemed to trust him for no reason.

He remembered vividly how the original story described Gu Xi’s extreme aversion to an Alpha’s touch.

Reality was the opposite. Rong Jing worried Gu Xi had been pushed so far he had forgotten the one touching him was an Alpha. He kept his eyes closed. Opening them now would only be more awkward.

Even through the layers of the mask’s filters, the scent was enticing, but he could manage.

At last he could breathe properly. Breaths rasped inside the mask.

Safe. He felt safe.

The destructive power of an Alpha was terrifying. That kind of drive was too much. He was not only worried about Gu Xi; he did not trust the beast he might become.

[Finally I can breathe freely and not worry about hurting him.]

With his back turned, Rong Jing did not see Gu Xi lift his head to look at him, surprise and disbelief flickering there. Staring too long, even that E.T.-looking mask seemed a little comical, even cute.

Those peach-blossom eyes bent in a faint smile. The restlessness under his ribs would not quiet and he did not want to look away.

Water rushed.

Rong Jing drained the cold water from the tub and ran the hot. Steam rose over the oversized tub and warmed the air, the room growing tender around them.

When he closed his eyes and lifted Gu Xi again, the body in his arms trembled. Whether it was fear or the chill, he could not tell.

He wanted to say something to soothe him. Do not be scared.

Then silk-smooth arms quivered up around his neck and held on. A head leaned toward him. Soft hair brushed his shirt.

Soft. Fragile. Sweet.

Like a frost flower standing proud on a snowy cliff, shedding its outer ice to reveal a sweet heart, enough to make a man’s soul tremble.

Rong Jing’s steps faltered. He felt as if he were holding a fistful of soft snow. His heart skipped.

“Just now, I… lost control for a moment, I didn’t…” Gu Xi buried his face against Rong Jing’s chest and spoke in a whisper.

It was not really losing control. He had jabbed so many inhibitors that he was almost dying from the pain. How could he be mindless? It was another part of him that had gotten ahead of itself.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Rong Jing cut him off. None of this was Gu Xi’s fault, and he had not blamed him.
He had never lived through it, but he knew an Omega’s heat was a hard thing to master.

He did not dare unwrap the towel. He carried Gu Xi only as far as the tub.

“I will clean and dress your wound after. Try not to wet it.” He said it quickly, like something on fire was chasing him. He noticed the bathroom door he had kicked in and made his escape even faster.

“Mm.”

A light sound, with a faint hook at the tail of it.

An Omega in heat clings to an Alpha without even knowing, far more than usual.

Gu Xi peeled off the warm towel and sank into the bath. The heat wrapped around cold-stiff limbs.

As his body thawed, he came back to himself. They had nearly stripped each other bare. No, not nearly. They had already… He touched the nape where the inhibitor patch had been torn, fingertips over the exposed gland, then slid under to submerge his head. Little bubbles broke at the surface.

He only surfaced when he was nearly out of air, his face growing hotter by the second.

He washed and changed into the new clothes Rong Jing had set out.

Years ago, clothes at the villa were replaced regularly, all current season. Xie Ling had them tailored each quarter to his brother’s measurements. They had never been worn. After the brothers’ relationship froze over, Xie Ling did not keep warming a cold face with a hot one. These sets had been cut to Rong Jing’s former measurements. 

On Gu Xi they were a touch roomy, which only made him look relaxed, younger, like a little young master.

Fresh from the bath, his cheeks were petal-pink, far softer than when he had stood in the rain.

When he came downstairs, Rong Jing was at the stove, sliding sliced ginger into a pot. The fridge was stocked weekly by the cleaning auntie.

The open kitchen looked out onto floor-to-ceiling glass. Dusk had begun to settle. Rain from earlier still clung to the grass in tiny beads of dew. Along the paths, small lights flickered to life, and a few people strolled past outside.

Rong Jing had changed out of his suit. Now in a white T-shirt and relaxed pants, he looked... like home.

Gu Xi sat quietly and stared, gaze sticking as if it were syrup. The room was too quiet. Only the soft boil of water in the pot. Everything earlier felt like a dream.

The moment Rong Jing turned, Gu Xi snatched his eyes away.

Rong Jing brought over the ginger tea. “Still a bit hot. Give it a minute.”

He set down a first aid kit. Gu Xi held out his hand without thinking. Rong Jing had planned to let him do it. He knew Gu Xi was independent and hated an Alpha’s touch. What happened earlier was because they had no choice.

Seeing Gu Xi did not pull back, Rong Jing scratched the bridge of his nose and gave in, tending the injured hand.

That white skin was mapped by shocking marks. Once cleaned they looked worse, bruised blue and red.

Because Gu Xi was so pale, even small wounds were alarming. To distract him, Rong Jing muttered, “The old ones aren’t even healed and you add new ones.”

Gu Xi lowered his eyes. “Do you remember you are the junior? Do not think just because I am not being strict that you can forget your manners.”

Hearing the joke, Rong Jing laughed. “Are you pulling seniority on me? Strictly speaking, you are only one year older.” His hands moved fast, wrapping the bandage with as little sting as possible.

“In this industry it is not about age. It is seniority and aura. Do you know how old I was when I debuted?”

“Twelve.” At ten he had caught Shengteng Entertainment’s eye, and at twelve, under pressure from all sides, he signed and went to a trainee program overseas. He slept less than five hours a night. To debut he trained until his ligaments tore and was hospitalized repeatedly from exhaustion.

Gu Xi started. How did he know so much?

Being seen through like that made him uneasy. He never liked to play the victim. He had always thought that was for the weak.

He straightened up. “Good that you know. I am your senior’s senior’s senior. Show some respect.”

In a soft white T-shirt with a white porcelain cup cupped in his hands, he looked like a rabbit, no bite at all, trying on the mantle of senior to salvage a little face.

“All right, noted, ‘old’ senior,” Rong Jing said perfunctorily, and for no reason his heart went soft.

“Not old. Senior.” Gu Xi corrected him seriously. Whatever the number, no one wanted to be called old. He was only one year older and was frankly a little miffed.

Rong Jing watched him with a smile as Gu Xi sipped the tea in tiny tastes and stuck out the tip of his tongue when it was too hot.

Cat tongue, then.

Like this he was lively and fresh. The dead weight finally lifted.

They sniped once or twice and the mood eased. Neither mentioned the bathroom. It was as if they had both forgotten. As if.

Rong Jing walked him upstairs and chose a special room.

He still worried about Gu Xi’s state. Whether in the dream or in the real world, something seemed off. If there was a problem, he wanted to pull him back before it grew serious. He did not want things to reach the point of repeated attempts like in the dream. Gu Xi was not meant to break like that.

“Will you help me with something?”

“Okay.” Gu Xi sat on the bed, knuckles tight on the duvet, eyes lifting to him. His heart ticked faster.

He had heard the first half. The second half, [Whether in—], fuzzed out again. No other person’s voice fuzzed out like this. Only Rong Jing’s. Was it broken?

Rong Jing suspected him. Of course he did. In the bathroom he had made himself into that wreck. Who would not doubt they were facing a madman?

Rong Jing asked for his phone. Gu Xi did not know what for, but handed it over without hesitation.

Rong Jing pulled up the SCL-90 self-test he had used when he thought he might be shorted out in the head and asked Gu Xi to take it.

He did not want to voice his worry. “My brother’s company is surveying young people’s mental states for a promo. Will you help fill one out?”

Gu Xi’s pupils trembled, but he remained calm and took the phone. The first questions: Do you have needless thoughts in your head…

Thinking of him, does that count?

He seemed not to notice anything odd. “Wait a bit. I will finish it and give it back.”

There were ninety questions. He took them seriously. With his head lowered, Rong Jing could not see the anxiety in his eyes like a defendant awaiting judgment.

He had grown used to Gu Xi’s cool restraint when not in heat. He sat to one side and waited patiently.

When Gu Xi finished, he took the phone and tapped confirm. The results populated at once. F1 to F9, all better than his own. Only interpersonal sensitivity was mildly elevated. Everything else normal.

Which meant his mental state was very good.

So he was overthinking it.

Still, something felt off, though he could not say what. Either way, if Gu Xi was fine, he could finally relax a little. He could not keep assuming the worst.

Before he left, another problem pressed in. He was an Alpha. Staying with Gu Xi during this period was inappropriate.

A solitary A and a solitary O under one roof. That sounded like trouble.

A Beta would not do either. A Beta gone mad could be worse than an Alpha.

Maybe Gu Xi could call an Omega he trusted to stay with him. That should work.

Before he could say it, Gu Xi seemed to know what he was thinking and spoke coolly. “I have leaked pheromones before and affected Omegas. When heat comes after that, I…” He stopped, as if remembering something humiliating.

He trembled like a small animal cornered. It tugged at the heart.

But his gaze was winter-cold. The tremor was for Rong Jing to see. He had played Omega so many times he knew, without actually doing anything, how to trigger an Alpha’s protectiveness.

Rong Jing was shaken. Gu Xi’s pheromones were fierce enough to affect Os too…

He thought of that day at Maya City and shivered. Not so accidental after all.

That made things complicated. In the original plan, it had just been a throwaway line as he hadn’t known.

Now, he couldn’t, in good conscience, suggest bringing in another Omega. That would mean putting Gu Xi at risk.

So then what? He couldn’t just leave him alone in the villa.

Not after that many inhibitors. If something went wrong and if it turned fatal, it wouldn’t just be a scare. It would be real.

“Can you stay?” Gu Xi asked, like he had gathered every ounce of courage.
I have never been this shameless. For the first time, I will be shameless to get close to you.

Rong Jing thought he was hearing things. Did Gu Xi know what he was asking?

He stalled. Gu Xi kept his head down like a trapped creature, desperate and resigned.

After a long time he said, “I am an Alpha.”

“Obviously.”

“I might mark you. Right then and there.”

Gu Xi looked up.

“Do not look at me like that. You are beautiful. What is strange about that? If you stay around me like this, you think I will sit here as a saint?”

“…You will.”

Otherwise why the gas mask?

Gu Xi did not want to remember the way he had looked standing in the bathroom doorway. It was branded too deep.

Seeing Gu Xi go quiet, Rong Jing’s expression shifted. He moved in quickly, almost turning into someone else as he sat on the edge of the bed.

Gu Xi startled and lifted his eyes. That close, the handsome face without its usual gentle smile was austere and dangerous.

Their gazes caught and the air drew tight.

“Do you understand what I am saying? I will say it again. I am an Alpha. I can push you down any time. I can mark you by force and make you mine, and you will not be able to fight back.” His voice was cold as he loosed his presence, staring at the Omega who could not resist at a critical moment. “I could break in while you are showering. I could rip your clothes while you sleep. I could do it when you feel the worst…”

His fingers slid to the line of Gu Xi’s neck, to the elegant swan curve where the gland nestled, and tapped there, the meaning obvious.

It was one of an Omega’s most sensitive places. Gu Xi shuddered, but did not dodge.

Their gazes tangled again and again.

“Oh,” Gu Xi said. Calm. Like he had remarked that the moon is very round tonight.

Rong Jing almost could not keep acting. What the heck, he could not scare him off?

He knew how much Gu Xi had paid in the original to avoid being marked by those scumbags. There was no way a bit of help from him would change that overnight. Gu Xi was not a fool who believed whatever people told him.

“Do not say I did not warn you. You will regret it.” It was nowhere near as intimidating as before.

Gu Xi nodded. Message received. His eyes seemed to say, I know you cannot.

Who cannot? Which part cannot?

Two rounds of having his ability questioned would make anyone angry.

Must he spend a day and a night to prove his mechanics worked?

While he fumbled for an explanation, Gu Xi smiled. It bloomed like starlight spreading.

Rong Jing suddenly remembered a line from the original. If he wanted it, no one could escape his charm.

With a heavy heart, he turned to leave. Behind him, Gu Xi said, “Wherever you sleep, don’t go too far. I might call, and you won’t hear.”

Rong Jing didn’t respond. He just needed some quiet. No more words.

This was not the protagonist from the dream. It could not be.

Why was he not afraid of me? Why does he trust me this much? Must I really prove I am a beast?

Once Rong Jing left, Gu Xi’s smile faded.

He looked around the room. The windows were sealed, only the air exchanger hummed overhead. Villas at this level had a sealed room like this, even the door seams shut tight. It was so an A or an O could safely get through the worst. He did not have to worry that when the inhibitors wore off, Rong Jing would catch his scent.

As soon as Rong Jing was gone, the pain surged back unrestrained.
When he was there, Gu Xi could distract himself. Without him, the tastes he had tried to ignore overturned him like a stormed sea.

In the dark, only the light of the phone lit his face. He thought of the test and drew the covers over his head.

I have been seeing a therapist regularly.
I know sometimes I am in a bad way.

I am not crazy. I am really not.
Please do not be afraid of me.

He did not know how long had passed when a soft knock sounded.

He was oddly keyed up. Too many inhibitors had left him exhausted, but wired.

“Not asleep. What is it?”

Rong Jing came in. His scent, warm and understated, made Gu Xi close his eyes again. Rong Jing would not come in at this time without a reason.

Trying to be restrained, he still could not hide the happiness in his voice. “I got the part in Sovereignty. They just called. Your blessing worked. We really can work together.”

He still remembered that day downstairs, Gu Xi smiling into the sun, telling him good words.

He could not deny the small spark in his chest. He had watched Gu Xi’s films. He was a low-key fan. Getting turned down would have made sense. Getting to act with him was a gift.

As a former multi-award Best Actor, to audition and slink away in embarrassment had stung. He had his pride. He had not hoped for this. So much time had passed. He figured they would have long chosen someone else, and he had been ready to try elsewhere.

Gu Xi hummed with his eyes closed.

Of course he knew. He was the one who had pushed the decision through.

The director had asked why. Rong Jing’s fatal flaw could waste the crew’s time and money.

I believe in him. He will do something miraculous.

That had been days ago, when Rong Jing was still almost a stranger. He was grateful, but he would not gamble a career. He had simply wanted to lift up a promising junior.

He had seen Rong Jing act. That Alpha on set had made his adrenaline spike. The Rong Jing in performance was not the Rong Jing of everyday, lethal hormones pouring off him.

He had a top-tier gift. Gu Xi was looking forward to their scenes.

Just because Rong Jing could not yet face the camera did not mean he should lose chance after chance. That would be a waste.

Rong Jing had wanted to share first. He did not even know why the first person he thought of was Gu Xi.

Seeing his eyes closed, he thought Gu Xi had fallen asleep.

He brushed a hand over his hair. It was a little damp with sweat, no fever. He hoped ten inhibitor shots would not cause trouble. He would wait next door in case.

He was about to leave when Gu Xi spoke. “Do you know there are some bold scenes in this project?”

Rong Jing glanced at him. In the book he only remembered that the film blew up later. Since Gu Xi had not been the lead, there had been no detailed notes.

Gu Xi looked at the man silhouetted against the backlight, a little impish. The whole day had felt like Rong Jing was calling the tune. Finally, he had taken a round.

“I thought it was a power-struggle drama.”

“It wears that coat. At its core, it is a romance.”

He honestly had not expected that. He thought Director Liu Yu was a serious man. His last film, Lota, had not even had romance. It was pure to the bone. “How bold?”

“Mmm. Manageable.”

Rong Jing relaxed. Good.

“There is kissing, forced kissing, forced kissing again, a forest assault…”

“That would never get released.” Two men? How would it pass review?

Gu Xi was puzzled. “Why not? The original novel is like that.”

Right. This world had a more open concept of relationships. With pheromones in the mix and gendered attraction everywhere, instinct would not be policed so hard. In most viewers’ eyes, an Alpha and an Omega paired naturally.

As long as they handled the line, suggestive not explicit, it would pass.

Unreasonable? Only his own head was out of place.

“You do not object?”

“I am a professional actor.” He did not answer directly, yet he did.

“You cannot handle it?” Gu Xi lobbed it back.

“I can,” Rong Jing blurted, unsure what he was answering, reflex carrying him.

Even with his senses half stolen by Gu Xi’s words, he did not forget to warn him. “No more inhibitors.” He could not imagine how much that hurt.

Gu Xi’s lips parted. After a long moment he hummed assent.

The door shut. Gu Xi opened WeChat and ignored the flood of messages asking why he had skipped work, choosing only the latest.

Liu Yu: The kiss double and body double are lined up. Once you are better, they can join.

Two back view photos followed. The resemblance was decent.

Gu Xi had said if the emotion was there, natural physical contact was fine. Liu Yu knew how many crazed Alphas had hounded Gu Xi over the years. Anyone would be burned out. He had set up doubles so if Gu Xi still could not get through it, they would not grind to a halt.

Gu Xi had only been teasing Rong Jing earlier. That moment when Rong Jing dropped the gentle air was priceless.

He typed “Okay,” but his finger would not send.

He did not know how long he waited. The Alpha outside had returned to his room as there were sounds next door.

Gu Xi turtle-wrapped himself in the blanket until only his head peeked out. He deleted “Okay.”

He typed again: No need for now. I want to ease into the romance myself. The crew’s budget is tight. Save the money.

He had rejected giving the lead to Xun Jiarui. He did not want to waste a role on a sanctimonious face.
The main investor had pulled out afterward, which he had expected. That investor was tied to Xun’s other project. The crew was back to broke. But the last film had been made like this too and Liu Yu did not care. Getting money was the producer’s job. His was to make a good film.

Liu Yu replied quickly: Do not force it. If you throw up again, we lose days.

He still remembered a director telling him about years ago when Gu Xi was a newbie without the right to choose. In a kiss scene he had not even touched lips before retching from disgust. He had been sick for days. That had not been an act. His body could not accept it.

Gu Xi: This time, I won’t.

Liu Yu: [We shall quietly watch you perform.jpg]

Gu Xi smiled, even though it hurt. His eyes drifted to the waning moon outside the window. Tomorrow felt like it would be a good day.

Rong Jing slept in the room next to Gu Xi’s and was thoroughly rattled by the little devil in angel’s clothing. He spent most of the night rolling in bed.

Gu Xi didn’t come out that day. Each night, he left a list by the door. Rong Jing gathered everything he needed and left it outside. Along with daily essentials, the list included three meals. They communicated in silence, exchanging notes instead of words.

Knowing Rong Jing was close, Gu Xi finally slept peacefully.

With the inhibitors gone, his pheromones poured out rich and thick.

Even in his former home he had felt cold. Now he felt wrapped in warmth and slept deep.

Rong Jing, though, passed a few anxious days. He worried about the after-effects of the inhibitors and kept remembering what Gu Xi had said.

One night he even dreamed chaos and woke the next morning to his own salute. He muttered, “I can’t. I mustn’t.”

Xie Ling, however, noticed how his brother looked like he had overindulged and frowned. “Kidneys weak? I will have Zhou Xiang buy you some tonics.” His brother looked like a long-term single dog. It had to be simple deficiency.

Rong Jing kept a straight face.

Should I tell you I have been cohabiting with an Omega for days and see if you keel over?

Ge, there is a reason you are still single.

He glanced at the dark smudges under Xie Ling’s eyes. “You did not sleep either?”

This time it was Xie Ling’s turn to go quiet.

Xie Zhanhong had gone off the deep end lately, sending a different style of Omega to his bed every night. Even in hotels there were “surprises.”

Xie Ling had finally blocked his lecherous father.

The brothers looked each other over.

“Sigh.”

They sighed at the same time.

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