WFMAS CHAPTER 85

Chapter 85: Cool, Comfortable, An Amazing Experience

There was a thud from upstairs, like something heavy had hit the flimsy floorboards. The three people at the door instinctively looked up. Seeing nothing, they looked back into the doorway.

More accurately, at the arm in the doorway. The person inside had not opened the door wide, only a crack, and from their angle all they could see was a naturally lowered forearm.

Zuo Kuan stared at the smooth, defined lines of that arm and muttered, “Holy Sh***, Yu Fan, after all these years you got jacked…”

“See! I told you. He really did bulk up, that fist photo he sent me yesterday was real!” Wang Lu’an said, thrilled.

Zhang Xianjing was stunned. “But the last time I saw him he was super skinny, his legs were almost as slim as mine… are Ningcheng’s personal trainers that good?”

They were being loud enough that a neighbor opened his door, stuck his head out, then looked from them to the confetti on the floor.

Zuo Kuan met his eyes and frowned. “What the hell are you looking at…”

The neighbor stepped out farther and revealed a full sleeve of tattoos.

“With a couple of brooms we can sweep this right up!” Wang Lu’an smoothly yanked Zuo Kuan back and pasted on a grin. “Sorry, big bro, our buddy’s birthday today. Sorry for the noise. We’ll clean this all up. Come on, come on, let’s talk inside.”

He reached to push the door. It did not budge.

He blinked. “What are you doing, Yu Fan, let us in al—”

“Wait.” The person inside tilted his head, revealing half his face.

The impact hit like a truck. All three outside popped their eyes wide, especially Zhang Xianjing, who looked shocked, dumbfounded, flat-out awestruck.

“F***!” Zuo Kuan gaped and blurted, “Yu Fan, why do you look so much like the study god now?!”

Zhang Xianjing: “…”

Chen Jingshen gave him a brief look and did not answer. His voice was cool and husky. “Have you eaten breakfast?”

“On the plane… we ate…” Wang Lu’an said.

“There is a tea house downstairs. Go eat again,” the man inside said. “My treat.”

With that, there was a crisp click and the door shut.

“…”

The three of them stared at the door in unison. The corridor fell into a strange silence. A gust of wind sent the streamers fluttering.

Zuo Kuan: “Wang Lu’an, did you get the address wrong?”

Wang Lu’an: “No. And even if I did, how the hell would I know the top student’s address?”

“Fair point. Then why is he at Yu Fan’s place? Did he come to celebrate too? That early…” Zuo Kuan was deep in serious deduction when someone poked his arm.

Zhang Xianjing’s pretty nails flashed. “Give me a cigarette.”

She lit up and blew out a contemplative ribbon of smoke like someone who had seen through the world.

“Hey,” Wang Lu’an said, “something’s off. Wasn’t the top student shirtless just now?”

“Oh… right,” Zuo Kuan said. “Then maybe he came yesterday and slept here.”

“Cough, cough, cough—” Zhang Xianjing choked on smoke and erupted into a fit.

Inside, Chen Jingshen shut the door and looked up toward the second floor. “What was that?”

What was that?

You have the nerve to ask me what that was???

“Chen Jingshen…” Yu Fan had half tumbled, half rolled off the bed, sprinted around the entire second floor in a deadly rendition of “Happy Birthday,” and was now clutching a pillow in front of himself, face blazing. In a murderer’s tone and the tiniest volume he hissed, “Where is my underwear????”

He thought of the people downstairs and his brain shorted out again. “You went to open the door… without a shirt?”

“I put on pants. I thought it was the delivery. I ordered breakfast.” Chen Jingshen stuck to what could be said. Then, “Your underwear's in the wash. They were dirty from yesterday.”

“…”

“I will get you a new pair.”

“…”

Gripping the pillow tight, Yu Fan shut his eyes and forcibly deleted every hazy, indecent image flashing through his head. He swallowed and his throat ached.

After a few deep breaths, he said, “Get… a wider pair.”

Chen Jingshen stood there choosing. He heard rustling and looked up to see his boyfriend tying the trash bag from upstairs in a double knot. Then, as if that was not enough, he pulled a second bag over it and tied another double knot.

When Yu Fan came down, Chen Jingshen had already straightened up the first floor. The sofa had survived because Yu Fan had sat on Chen Jingshen’s lap the whole time last night.

The place smelled… complicated. Yu Fan threw all the windows open. He was about to check the bathroom to make sure nothing unpresentable had been left behind when his wrist was caught.

“Does it hurt?”

Yu Fan jerked free and deadpanned, “What do you think? You try getting f***ed for a whole night.”

Chen Jingshen paused. His throat bobbed. He lowered his eyes and pressed his lips together. “Did it not feel good?”

Yu Fan: “…”

He immediately remembered that last night Chen Jingshen had pushed his face into the pillow and asked if it felt good. If he did not answer, Chen Jingshen only went harder. This was not the same face at all.

Not that the current face was much better.

“Chen Jingshen, you better hold it in. If you so much as laugh, I will kill you,” Yu Fan said coldly.

“…”

Chen Jingshen forced out a quiet assent. Then, remembering something, he added in a low voice, “I think a bit might have… gotten in. I am not sure if the shower got it all. If your stomach hurts, tell me.”

“…”

Yu Fan could not even be bothered to snark back. He picked up the trash bags and headed for the door.

You could not let anyone see what was in here. He had to take it down to the truck. Left bag goes in the bottom, right bag covers on top…

Full of logistics, he opened the door. A force from outside pushed in, sending him stumbling back two steps. The three outside charged in like lightning, slammed the door and threw the deadbolt. Clean as a whistle.

“Holy! that was close. Why is that tattooed dude so grumpy? A couple of streamers blew outside his door and he is cussing us out?” Wang Lu’an patted his chest.

“Because you two had to set off those party cannons. Are you five?” Zhang Xianjing said, speechless.

“Damn it! Who kept holding me back? I have been sick of him since the elevator. Ask around Seventh High who dared look at me like that. I would have beaten him until he rolled down the stairs. Right, Yu Fan?” Zuo Kuan said.

Yu Fan: “... Did I not tell you to go have breakfast at the tea house?”

“We lost our appetite, so we just waited outside.” Zuo Kuan finished swearing and turned to look his long-lost bro up and down, only to see two tiny trash bags dangling from his hand. “What, going out to pick up trash first thing in the morning?”

Yu Fan: “…”

---

Yu Fan’s sofa fit three perfectly.

“Washing up,” Chen Jingshen said, and headed to the bathroom. Yu Fan leaned against the wardrobe and for the umpteenth time awkwardly, unnaturally glanced at the trash bags by the door.

Wang Lu’an and Zuo Kuan had ignored his refusal and hauled him into several bear hugs. After they handed over presents, came the barrage of questions.

Wang Lu’an had put on some weight and wore a suit, obviously straight from the office. Zuo Kuan had slimmed down and kept some scruff, which weirdly made him more handsome. They asked all the usual things again about the past years and how he was doing.

Yu Fan frowned. “Good. Did we not cover this on WeChat? Annoying.”

“If you are good, why are you skinny as a monkey?” Wang Lu’an said. “No wait, the photo you sent made you look pretty built… hey, that was the top student’s hand, right? You sent a fake pic??”

Yu Fan: “Same difference. Next time you see me, my hand will look like that.”

Zuo Kuan: “You are king of tall tales.”

Yu Fan: “Fight me.”

At that, the years fell away and they were back to banter.

Only Zhang Xianjing stayed silent. In under an hour, she felt like she might explode.

The two straight dudes chatted happily, bouncing from jobs to college to high school memories.

Finally Wang Lu’an spotted a suitcase in the corner. “So why is the top student at your place? You were asking me how he was doing the other day. I thought you two were not in touch.”

There was a purposeful cough from the bathroom. Yu Fan: “…”

“You remembered wrong. I did not ask,” Yu Fan said. “He is here on business. Typhoon. I took him in.”

Wang Lu’an and Zuo Kuan drew out a long “oh.” Made sense.

Zuo Kuan’s eyes skimmed around. “But you really got too skinny. Look at your arms, legs, neck… what the— why are there so many red marks on your neck?” He sat up, doubtful. “Hickeys?”

Wang Lu’an: “Are you dumb? He said in the group he has not dated for years. Who would give him hickeys?”

Zuo Kuan: “Oh. Ha ha.”

Yu Fan and Zhang Xianjing: “…”

No one could laugh.

Zhang Xianjing glanced at the windows. “You have them open too wide. Not cold?”

At fourteen degrees in only a T-shirt, Yu Fan folded his arms. “Not cold.”

He glanced at the trash bags for the nth time. Wang Lu’an followed his gaze and asked offhand, “Were you taking out the trash? Why toss it when there’s barely anything in those two bags?”

Yu Fan: “…”

“I ordered delivery. The courier said he could not find the place, so I was going down to meet him,” Yu Fan had begun to babble. “And take it out on the way.”

“Oh!” Wang Lu’an smacked his forehead and lifted a paper sack. “He found it! Just dropped it off. We grabbed it for you. What did you order?”

“Breakfast,” Yu Fan said.

“Breakfast?” Wang Lu’an muttered. “What kind of breakfast comes in a bag that small and light… I’ll open it for you. Eat up.”

Yu Fan yawned and drew out a lazy “mm.” The bathroom door suddenly opened and, for once, Chen Jingshen sounded rattled. “Wait, do not open that!”

They all turned and blinked.

Wang Lu’an had already reached into the bag. He chuckled. “What, top student, relax. We already ate on the plane. We are not snatching yours…”

He pulled out a bottle and squinted. “What is this?”

Zuo Kuan looked back too. “What? Let me see. Cool and comfortable, fun gel, an amazing experience… hey! Idiot, it says right there. Personal lubricant—”

Zuo Kuan: “…”

Wang Lu’an: “…”

Zhang Xianjing: “…”

Yu Fan: “……………………”

Rustle. Wang Lu’an, as if a robot, spread the bag open. The three heads on the sofa swiveled together like sunflowers and peered in.

Inside was a neat, packed bag of strawberry flavor, large size, ultra-thin, condoms.

Knock knock.

Someone rapped on the door and a delivery guy’s bright voice sliced through the corpse-like silence inside.

“Hello, your delivery! Sorry I couldn’t find the address. I’m late!”

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