DLOBML CHAPTER 28

Chapter 28 — The Campus God Who Spat Blood (2) | The Male Lead Wants to Kill Me Ten Thousand Times a Day

Under the murderous glare of the male lead, Xing Ge hurriedly dragged him to the nearest hospital.

“How is he?” she asked anxiously.

The doctor’s expression turned grave.

Her heart skipped a beat. Don’t tell me something really happened…

Meanwhile, her cannon-fodder system started chanting under its breath like a monk on crack:

“Buddha above, Jade Emperor, Guanyin Bodhisattva, Earth God, every deity in heaven. Please, please let the male lead be impotent! Impotent! Impotent x one million!”

Xing Ge frowned. “You are seriously twisted.”

The system exploded, “F***, you think I want to pray to those superstitious gods? I’m only doing it for you! You’ve got a walking hormone factory as a male lead. If he stays functional, what woman would look twice at your pretty-boy host body, huh? We’ll both be left starving to death on the emotional streets! Hmph~!”

What was with that arrogant little “hmph”?

Xing Ge rolled her eyes and ignored it.

To Chen Xi, though, that silent eye-roll looked like pure provocation. His lips twitched into a thin smile.

Qi Shaoying, you’re really something.

The doctor cleared his throat. “Fortunately, you brought him in quickly, or else…”

He smiled strangely, lowered his voice, and asked, “So, how exactly did this happen?”

The temperature in the room plummeted.

Xing Ge coughed. “Well, uh… this morning, he climbed onto my bed, and I might’ve… you know, been too tired last night, so I just—”

“Shut up!”

Chen Xi’s ears turned bright red. He snatched a pillow and threw it at her head.

He was the legendary campus god of A University. Top student, top gamer, top everything. How could anyone find out he’d been kicked out of bed like a ragdoll?!

“Oh… I see…”

The doctor’s eyes flicked between them, lingering for a moment before he nodded with deep understanding.

“Don’t worry,” he said kindly. “I won’t tell anyone.”

Then he made a zipping motion across his lips and left.

Xing Ge: “???”
Chen Xi: “!!!”

“This doctor’s a little weird,” Xing Ge muttered to herself.

Chen Xi’s face, already pink with fury, went even redder. But seeing her standing there with that clueless, slightly dumb expression, he actually felt… relieved.

At least this idiot doesn’t understand what that sounded like.

By evening, their two roommates finally rushed in to “check” (read: laugh) at the situation.

The door opened and both of them froze.

Their dorm’s youngest member was sitting by the hospital bed, carving an apple with a tragic, world-weary face, while Chen Xi sat propped up with one leg in a cast, looking like a delicate, temperamental stepmother.

“You can’t even peel an apple properly. You can’t cook, you can’t even fetch water,” Chen Xi said coldly. “Honestly, how did someone this useless survive this long? Did you fall on your face at birth and never recover?”

The two boys stared, dumbfounded.

They had never seen the usually cold, gentlemanly Chen Xi this savage. When the top student cursed, it was like poetry, rich in cultural depth, referencing the ancestors of your ancestors without using a single dirty word.

In short, it was art.

They were in awe.

They exchanged looks, nodding in mutual admiration, then tried to comfort their poor, verbally abused youngest.

Except… it turned out he didn’t need comforting.

Xing Ge calmly rolled her eyes, tossed the half-mangled apple into Chen Xi’s mouth, and said flatly,

“And yet here I am, your useless caretaker.”

The mighty scholar instantly wilted.

Because, well, he was right.

He was the one stuck in the hospital because he had sent him flying.

He sighed, gazing wistfully out the window as a small bird flapped past.

Silence settled over the room.

The roommates fidgeted, desperate to break the awkwardness.

But Chen Xi kept up his melancholic “troubled genius” act.

Until Xing Ge finally snapped. “Hurry up and eat that, damn it! I need the core so I can toss it, then I’ve got to go buy dinner. If the cafeteria uncle leaves, you can enjoy a lovely meal of hospital carrots tonight!”

Before she even finished, Chen Xi sprang into action like a starving groundhog, devouring the entire apple in one go. Then, with all the pride in the world, he spat the core into Xing Ge’s hand and rattled off, perfectly calm, “I’ll have five bowls of rice, braised pork, mashed potatoes, garlic eggplant, one steamer of corn and mushroom dumplings, two bags of scallion spring rolls, and winter melon soup. No spice, no vinegar. Thanks.”

The two roommates: “……”

Chen Xi cleared his throat, regaining composure. “Actually, I usually can't finish it all. A lot goes into this waste's stomach. Ah, are you staying to join us?”

His eyes glinted with an unmistakable warning: Stay, and you’ll die.

“Uh, no thanks, I’ve got a date tonight!” said Cheng Rui, the resident ladies’ man, flipping his hair dramatically.

“I could stay—” started Xu Jianyuan, eyes gleaming, practically drooling.

Cheng Rui shot him a horrified look. Idiot! You’re volunteering for execution? If you steal the boss’s food, you’ll never see his lecture notes again!

Desperate to save his friend from suicide, Cheng Rui jabbed him in the backside as a warning.

“OW! Cheng Rui, what the hell are you poking me for?!” Xu Jianyuan yelped.

Cheng Rui looked dead inside. Someone, please, take this moron away.

Communication clearly failed, so he did the only thing left, grabbed the big idiot and dragged him out by force. Xu Jianyuan thrashed all the way, screaming for his lost love (the spring rolls), nearly ripping Cheng Rui’s shirt apart in the struggle.

As they left, the doctor walked in, saw the chaos, and hesitated.

“They… uh, are they also…?”

Chen Xi could already guess what the man was implying. He opened his mouth to deny it, but before he could speak, the clueless Xing Ge nodded cheerfully.

“Yeah, we all live together.”

Doctor: “!!!”

Whoa. They’re already at the 4P cohabitation stage? Young people these days are wild!

Chen Xi: …

is Chinese internet slang
that abbreviates
“妈的智障” (mā de zhì zhàng),
a vulgar phrase roughly
meaning “damn idiot.” It’s often used online
to express frustration,
disbelief, or mock exasperation. mdzz

!

Xing Ge secretly whispered to her system, Did I say something wrong? Why does the male lead look like he’s about to go full serial killer? My back feels cold…

The system whispered back, “Maybe because you humiliated him earlier! You know how men are about pride. You should be nicer to him in public, defend his dignity a bit!”

Xing Ge nodded seriously, as if enlightened.

A few minutes later, the doctor returned, cheeks flushed, handing her some medicine.
He smiled shyly. “Try to keep it quiet tonight. This is a hospital, after all.”

Xing Ge misunderstood completely. Thinking he meant Chen Xi might be in pain, she waved her hands earnestly.

“Don’t worry. He’s tough. He won’t make a sound.”

Doctor: “!!!”

Oh god… do they use a gag too? This is getting out of hand!

Chen Xi: …mdzz!!!

At that moment, he made a silent vow:

Once he recovered, he would hang this shameless creature upside down and unleash three hundred and sixty-five unique tortures. One per day, never the same twice.

Every. Single. Day.

---

PREVIOUS           TOC           NEXT