DLOBML CHAPTER 27 (Adorable Menace x Resentful Roommate)

Chapter 27 — The Campus God Who Spat Blood (1) | How I Ruined the Male Lead’s Life

Xing Ge decided that this time, her method of transmigration was downright indecent. Completely beneath her standards of aesthetic dignity.

It was a silent night. In a dim, foul-smelling dormitory bathroom, she was crouched on a toilet seat, legs spread, holding a cabbage the size of her head.

How humiliating!

This had to be payback from that stupid Egg Lord!

Someone knocked on the stall door. A teasing male voice called out,
“Hey, Yingzi, you’ve been quiet for half an hour. Don’t tell me you fell into the toilet?”

Xing Ge kicked the door open with a scowl. “You fell into the toilet! Your whole family fell into the toilet!”

The guy’s gaze swept over the cabbage in her hands, circling it suspiciously. Then he said with a smirk,
“So, you had time to plant a vegetable while taking a dump?”

Xing Ge silently thought: Foolish mortal, what do you know? This is a cabbage personally cultivated by the great Fuxi himself. An unparalleled treasure of heaven and earth! Even if you fell into a toilet every day for a lifetime, you couldn’t grow one like this!

So she ignored his mockery with exceptional nobility and aloofness, walking toward the only empty bed.

It was clearly a college dorm. Four beds, each with a desk underneath, plus a shared bathroom and shower. Across from their window stood another dormitory filled with male students. On the balcony, underwear of every shape and color flapped in the wind, modest boxers, provocative thongs, and everything in between, dancing proudly in the breeze.

Oh my god, how embarrassing! What should I do?

You think Boss Xing would think like that?

Tsk. Just a bunch of kids. A thousand-year-old monster like her would never be embarrassed.

Her eyes swept across the laundry line, calmly assessing each pair by size and style, and soon she’d identified which shorts belonged to which boy.

Those garish, hole-ridden, red-and-green atrocities clearly belonged to the same idiot who’d been teasing her earlier.

As for those crisp, neatly folded boxers...

Her gaze shifted to the guy sitting across from her, reading quietly. His posture was straight as a pine, his aura calm and restrained, definitely the model of a “abstinent male god.”

He seemed to sense her stare, tilting his head slightly. Beneath his spotless white collar gleamed a delicate collarbone. His brows were cool and composed.

“Is there something you need?”

“Nope.”

“Then why are you staring at me?”

“I’m… kind of hungry.”

“……”

You pervert!

Understanding immediately, the handsome Chen Xi gave her a single frosty glance before returning to his book. His pale, elegant fingers tapped the black cover lightly, like carved jade.

Xing Ge leaned closer.

The title, printed in bold characters, read: Thick Black Theory.

Xing Ge: “…”

Yeah. Better avoid the male lead entirely. Otherwise one day she might get sold off and still help him count the money.

Just then, her newly purchased system finally came online.

“Ding! Dear player, this is System 8023, at your service!”

“Do you want to turn your salted-fish life around?”

“Want to conquer your campus god or goddess?”

“Want to reach the peak of life and make everyone kneel?”

“Only 998! Yes, just 998! The Cannon-Fodder System proudly presents your exclusive guide to glorious revenge!”

Xing Ge could practically smell the cheap, plastic-toy marketing through the air. Was this thing actually reliable?

Still, since Egg Lord had personally recommended it, maybe it was fine… probably.

She climbed onto her bed, sat cross-legged, and began receiving this world’s plot data.

This time, it was a college-life romantic comedy mixed with online-game elements, basically one of those sugary, over-the-top love stories where a clumsy (noob) girl and a cold genius fall in love after endless “oops I fell into your arms” moments.

The heroine was a textbook “adorable dummy”: bright-eyed, bubbly, and blessed with the unique ability to trip directly into male leads’ laps. Surrounded by the glow of “protagonist luck,” she charmed a whole army of supporting males, all fighting for her affections.

Even this dorm of four guys, each one hopelessly obsessed with her.

Of course, the male lead’s overpowering aura crushed them all, leaving the rest to “silently bless her happiness”… yeah, sure.

Xing Ge rolled her eyes.

Her current body belonged to Qi Shaoying, the youngest in the dorm, sporting a perpetually baby-faced look that made everyone call him little bro.
After a series of protests, they finally started calling him Yingzi. Not much of an improvement, honestly. Still an adorable or cute nickname given to him. Sigh.

Poor Qi Shaoying’s life was tragic: his features were so delicately pretty that every girl he liked treated him as their “girlfriend bestie.”

The female lead was no exception.

She flirted with him, teased his pure little heart into a frenzy, and when Qi Shaoying, after months of effort, finally arranged an in-game wedding to confess his love, she smiled sweetly and said,

“I’m sorry… I actually like your friend.”

Excuse me?

Xing Ge slammed the mental script closed. Come here, little miss sunshine, let’s have a word about your so-called “beautiful life.”

But thanks to that heroine halo, poor Qi Shaoying had apparently short-circuited. Instead of resenting her, he helped her chase the male lead. Yes, literally played wingman for her. In the end, they got their happy ending, and he… went abroad alone in heartbreak.

Ah, what a tragic life for this cannon fodder.

How should she save you, my pitiful extra?

Xing Ge sighed, rolled under the blanket, and fell asleep like a dead pig.

Before drifting off, she vaguely heard the roommates chatting:

“Weird, Yingzi went to bed early tonight.”

“Isn’t tomorrow Old Demon King’s class? He usually pulls all-nighters before that.”

Old Demon King?

Judging by their tone, that sounded terrifying.

Whatever. The world is vast, but sleep is the greatest thing of all.

She slept like a rock. The next morning, the three roommates were panicking. They’d tried waking her several times, but she didn’t stir at all.

“Don’t tell me something’s wrong? He’s been acting strange since last night!”

Chen Xi frowned slightly and took off his shoes. “I'll go up and check.” With his long limbs, the small bed space seemed even more cramped. He leaned down to touch Xing Ge's forehead.

Only for the “sleeping pig” to snap her eyes open, pupils dark as ink, flashing with a beast-like sharpness that made Chen Xi’s heart skip a beat.

Before he could react, Xing Ge’s knee jerked up then bam!

A perfect strike.

The campus god of A-University flew right over the guardrail and—

Flew.
Out.
Of.
The.
Bed.

Look! A shooting star!

The two roommates witnessed, with their very own eyes, the handsome male god of the dorm describe a perfect parabola through the air before landing face-first on the tiled floor.

They both whistled in awe.

“Wow. That’s some Olympic-level precision. Amazing, bro!”

“Qi! Shao! Ying!”

Face buried in the ground, the male god grit his teeth. “One day, I swear I’ll kill you!”

Xing Ge: “…”

Oh come on, big guy, don’t be like that. It was just a reflex. No hard feelings, okay?

That was when her “Cannon-Fodder System” suddenly came alive.

“Excellent hit! Beautiful! Absolutely legendary!”

Then it shouted,

“Rejoice, Your Majesty!”

Expression blank, Xing Ge asked, “What exactly am I rejoicing for?”

Across the room, the chaste male god’s eyes were blazing. Judging by his expression, he was probably running mental simulations of about thirty ways to tear her limb from limb.

The system chuckled wickedly.

“Based on preliminary calculations, the location, force, and area of impact suggest a fifty-percent chance you’ve just crippled the male lead’s little brother. Which means ha! He’ll never again be able to act flirty or steal girls from you! Code 740, you really are a world-class weapon! First day on the job and you’ve already ruined the male lead. Our path to glory has begun! Wahahaha!”

Xing Ge stared at the ceiling.

She had probably bought a counterfeit system.

Once again, the universe had taught her an eternal truth:

Cheap deals are never good deals, dear friend.

---

Author's Note:

Exams are my wife, homework is my lover, and lately the two have been fighting like crazy. I've been beaten black and blue and need to be hospitalized for some rest. My cuties, don't forget to visit me over the weekend~ There will be an update then!

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