DLOBML CHAPTER 2

Chapter 2 — That Bald Monk | “No need to wait for later. You can repay me with your body right now!”

He stood up and shouted toward the door, “Xiao Dai, bring me some paper and ink!”

Before long, a little novice monk came running in, panting hard and clutching a writing set. As he handed it over, he threw Xing Ge a sympathetic look. One that completely baffled her at first, but soon enough, she understood why.

“You broke through my Three Thousand Gates of Heaven: compensation, one hundred thousand spirit stones!”

“You also shattered my Mirror of Immortals and Demons: fifty-five thousand spirit stones!”

“And you polluted the Jingwei Pool: thirty-four thousand eight hundred spirit stones!”

His voice grew sharper with every accusation, his calligraphy darker and fiercer with every stroke. The handsome monk listed each of her crimes one by one, his phoenix-shaped eyes blazing as if they could kill her on sight. Even in her dazed state, Xing Ge was convinced she must have committed crimes worthy of execution, the kind that called for being torn limb from limb.

“What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a monk as beautiful as me? Keep staring and I’ll charge you ten billion spirit stones!”

“…”

He glared at her again, and Xing Ge immediately lowered her gaze, pretending to meditate.

You win, big guy. I’ll behave, alright?

After venting his temper, the beautiful monk went back to calculating his losses.

“You even made my Barbie fall off the bed: compensation, three thousand spirit stones!”

“And worst of all, you broke my Transformer’s arm: one thousand spirit stones…”

Wait a second. Why did this sound stranger the more he talked? Xing Ge quickly interrupted, “Barbie… as in that Barbie?”

The little novice hurriedly presented the “Barbie” in question. Xing Ge twitched at the corner of her mouth. Sure enough, it was a delicate Earth-style doll that any little girl would adore.

“Ah! She lost a strand of hair! It’s your fault! Add another one thousand spirit stones!” The monk tenderly picked up a single blond hair, his face so full of heartbreak it was like she had just murdered his wife.

Xing Ge: “…”

Alright, she finally understood what was going on. When she had pierced through the heavenly void earlier, she must have accidentally blasted through this guy’s house as well.

She felt a headache coming on. She’d risked everything to ascend and face her heavenly tribulation. How could she have known her power would go out of control and destroy someone’s property? And seriously, what kind of lousy barrier was this? It crumbled like tofu! Old Man Heaven-Emperor, could you maybe build things a bit sturdier next time?

Facing this furious, neurotic homeowner, Xing Ge wanted nothing more than to walk away and pretend none of this had ever happened. But after comparing their power levels, she decided maybe it was best not to provoke him further. This monk… didn’t look all that stable. What if he really decided to kill her over that single strand of hair?

The thought was so absurd that she quickly shook it off and forced a polite smile. “Great Immortal, you see, I just ascended and honestly have no idea what these spirit stones even are. Maybe you could just… make a list of what I owe you? I’ll pay it back when I can—”

The monk crossed his arms and looked down at her, his tone cold and domineering. “No need to wait for later. You can repay me with your body right now!”

Xing Ge was completely stunned.

What the actual F**?! Is this monk even real?*

Before she could finish thinking, ‘My meat only weighs eighty-nine jin, not even enough to fill your teeth,’ she found herself lifted by the collar like a baby chick and tossed out the door without a shred of mercy.

She turned into a streak of starlight and vanished tragically among the clouds.

At that moment, Xing Ge swore she would dedicate her entire life to hating bald monks.

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Crash!

A burst of light fell from the sky, hitting the ground hard enough to leave a human-shaped crater.

“Ah! Pfft! Pfft!”

The figure climbed out, covered in dust. Luckily, her body was strong enough that she wasn’t killed, though she still felt like she’d been flayed alive.

That damned bald jerk!

“Excuse me… are you Miss Troublemaker?”

A timid voice came from the side. Xing Ge turned and saw a bright-eyed young girl looking at her in awe. “You’re amazing!” the girl said, pointing up at the great distance from sky to ground.

Xing Ge’s mouth twitched. “Thanks for the compliment. But I think you’ve got the wrong person. I’m not this Miss Troublemaker you’re talking about.”

The girl blinked in confusion. “That can’t be right. According to the data we received, you are Miss Troublemaker.” She obediently handed over a panel of light. On it was Xing Ge’s portrait, though her name had been replaced with “Troublemaker.”

For a moment, Xing Ge wanted to go strangle that bald monk herself.

Taking a deep breath to suppress her rage, she forced a smile. “Alright then, what does the person who sent you want me to do?”

The girl smiled sweetly, her eyes curving like crescent moons. Then she grasped Xing Ge’s hand solemnly. “Welcome to the Honorable Cannon-Fodder Team! I’m the team leader, Lin Jiaojiao. From now on, we’ll be depending on each other to survive!”

Wait! Why did that sound so tragic?

Xing Ge suddenly had a bad feeling about this.

“I just got here and don’t understand the situation,” she said, rubbing her temples. “Could you explain it to me?”

“Oh, sure!” Lin Jiaojiao said brightly, pulling her along as they walked. “The basic meaning of cannon fodder is the ashes left behind after a cannon fires. In human terms, it means someone who sacrifices themselves for the team’s benefit. Other nicknames include scapegoat, substitute victim, and so on…”

After a long and overly cheerful explanation, Xing Ge finally pieced together what was happening.

The Heavenly Realm was divided into countless departments, each handling its own weird responsibilities, forming a tightly run cosmic bureaucracy. Lin Jiaojiao’s Honorable Cannon-Fodder Team belonged to the Parallel Worlds Department, which handled “cleanup operations.”

Their job? To soothe the wrath of all the cannon-fodder characters. After all, everyone knows that in novels and dramas, the male and female leads only get their happy endings because countless side characters suffer and die first.

But the universe had to stay balanced. Who said cannon fodder had to live miserable lives? The excessive “main-character halo” had thrown several worlds into chaos, and the exasperated Heavenly Emperor was forced to establish the Honorable Cannon-Fodder Team to fix those tragedies.

Unfortunately, the Male Lead Team, Female Lead Team, and even the Supporting Role Teams were filled with powerful, ruthless elites. Together, they’d made life hell for the Cannon Fodder Team. Its thousand-member staff had dwindled down until only Lin Jiaojiao was left. Well, now there were two, counting Xing Ge.

After listening to this pitiful tale, Xing Ge fell silent for a long while. Her eyes grew deep and melancholy as she gazed toward the horizon. Lin Jiaojiao assumed she was about to make some profound, inspirational speech…

Instead, Xing Ge clasped her hand solemnly and said, “Let’s quit.”

This discriminatory system against cannon fodder was impossible to survive in!

Lin Jiaojiao blushed and stammered, “B-but… none of the other departments accept newbies. This is the only job a rookie can get!”

“…”

Xing Ge suddenly felt her future turning very, very dark.

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