DLOBML CHAPTER 4

Chapter 4 — F*** Your Abusive Romance (2) | The Daily Routine of Tempting the Male Lead

Do eggs… have expressions of pain?

Xing Ge stared in disbelief. Ever since she’d returned from her trial, that egg, Ji Dan, had been wearing the same pained, constipated look.

I must endure this. I must endure it! Ji Dan told himself. She’s just a clueless rookie!

He inhaled deeply to keep himself from smashing her into yolk, then forced out a pale smile.
“Number 740, would you mind telling me,” he said with strained politeness, “why a perfectly good action-packed thriller has somehow turned into a mutual-abuse romance?”

Xing Ge tilted her head, genuinely confused. “But weren’t the male and female leads supposed to have a deep, tragic love?”

All she did was narrow the battlefield a little.

Ji Dan nearly coughed up blood. For heaven’s sake! That was not how you portray “tragic love.” Those two had been tortured to the brink of destruction! This woman was absolutely outrageous, she’d not only recruited the kidnappers as her underlings but also seized the male lead’s territory and turned it into a shameful imprisonment-play!

He felt a powerful urge to dissect her brain.

“Number 740,” Ji Dan said through gritted teeth, “remember this: since you know the plot, you can step out of the cannon-fodder role and live freely, but you must never destroy the main love line between the male and female leads. Those key story beats cannot be erased, or it’s unfair to everyone else. Understand?”

Xing Ge frowned in thought, then nodded slowly. “So, you mean because I know what’s supposed to happen, my knowledge could break the world’s balance? To keep things fair, I shouldn’t interfere too much with others, right?”

For the first time, Ji Dan’s old, round face softened with relief. “Good. Since you understand, let’s try again.”

“Got it! I’ll give my best performance this time!” she promised with absolute confidence.

---

When Xing Ge opened her eyes again, a cold moon hung above her, and the night wind stung her face. She found herself leaning against a luxury car, posing dramatically like someone deep in thought.

Wait, what was this setup? Out here in the middle of the night, freezing her butt off?

A faint, uneven sound of breathing reached her ears through the wind. Huh? This body seemed… different?

She moved closer to the rear-view mirror and saw a reflection so beautiful it made her forget to breathe, sharp brows tapering into his temples, a tall nose bridge, and eyes that gleamed like blue diamonds. He looked like a favored child of the gods.

Xing Ge touched her vivid red lips and smiled, curving them into a teasing line.

“Help… help me…”

A hoarse female voice came closer. In the dark, a slightly plump woman stumbled toward her, clearly drawn by the sight of a car.

Of course, this was the heroine of this world: Zhou Jie, an ordinary woman with an ordinary background, except that a powerful vampire had fallen for her and would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Naturally, a romance like this couldn’t do without its pretty faces. Zhou Jie’s blood had been written to be irresistibly delicious to vampires, making her an irresistible walking buffet.

The plot was classic: the male lead, a vampire prince, had been ambushed by his parents’ enemies at birth and cast into the human world. Zhou Jie accidentally took him in, raised him, and gave him warmth and care. He grew deeply attached to her.

At this point, Xing Ge couldn’t help sighing. No wonder I’ve been single for so many years. I’ve never picked up stray cats, stray dogs, or stray men. If I had, maybe I’d have found myself a vampire husband too.

Even though the male lead fought his vampiric nature and secretly drank her blood, his luck eventually ran out. When people around her began vanishing mysteriously, Zhou Jie discovered the truth and freaked out.

She was, after all, just a normal human. No matter how much she had loved that boy she’d raised, instinctive fear took over. She tried every way she could to escape, and the male lead, desperate, locked her up in his castle.

Tonight was her first attempt to run away.

According to the plot, she would encounter a vampire duke who happened to be outside for some fresh air. She’d beg him to take her away, promising she would do anything. The duke, intrigued by the scent of her blood, would agree. Only later would she realize that her “savior” was another vampire, and that he treated her purely as food. Terrified, she would begin to miss that foolish vampire who had imprisoned her.

Naturally, the male lead would then use a secret ritual to elevate himself to duke level, storm the rival’s castle, and reclaim his woman. The original duke’s power and reputation would crumble, forcing him into exile.

---

The forest around Zhou Jie pressed down like a suffocating net. She could still see the boy’s face as his fangs pierced a neck, the flash of crimson blood, the nightmare that had never left her.

Run. Just run. That was her only thought.

Ahead, she spotted a car parked beneath a few pines. It felt like the gates of heaven had opened. She sprinted toward it with every ounce of strength.

What… what a beautiful person. Is that an angel?

Silver hair spilled to the waist of the figure leaning casually against the car, one long leg crossed over the other. The faint moonlight traced the outline of a face almost too perfect to be real. He glanced her way, and his ice-blue eyes shimmered like blue roses blooming in the dark.

Zhou Jie forgot to breathe.

As she stood frozen, that ethereal figure opened the car door with practiced ease, ready to drive off. Zhou Jie somehow found a last burst of strength, rushed forward, and grabbed his arm. “Please! Take me with you! I’ll do anything!”

The divine-looking man gave her a puzzled glance and coolly withdrew his arm. “Sorry. I don’t give rides.”

Having finally found a living human being, Zhou Jie refused to let him go. Tears welled up as she pleaded, “I know I’m asking too much, but I can’t stay here any longer. There are vampires here! Please, I beg you!” She clasped her hands together, eyes wide and desperate.

Xing Ge: “…”

Should she tell the heroine that at thirty-something, with wrinkles starting to show, this wide-eyed schoolgirl act didn’t really suit her anymore?

After a pause, Xing Ge said diplomatically, “Ma’am, I really wish I could help, but I truly can’t give you a ride.”

Ji Dan had said she could step out of the cannon-fodder role as long as she didn’t mess with the main plot. So, if she just stayed away from the heroine, she should be fine. Brilliant. She mentally patted herself on the back.

Ma’am?

He… called her ma’am?

Zhou Jie’s smile froze. She knew she was past thirty, but being constantly gazed at with worship by that handsome “boy” had made her feel young again. Now being called ma’am by an even younger, gorgeous man made her want to crawl into a hole.

“Where are you going, sister?”

A low, chilling voice came from behind her. A fourteen-year-old boy stepped out of the darkness, tall collar framing his pale neck, red eyes burning with thick, unbridled anger.

Zhou Jie’s hands trembled. She didn’t turn around, she only edged closer to Xing Ge, which made the boy’s gaze even more dangerous.

“Prince Karen,” the boy said coldly, “are you trying to steal my woman?”

Zhou Jie’s eyes widened in disbelief. Prince? He was talking about the breathtaking man beside her? He was a vampire too?!

Xing Ge nearly broke into a cold sweat. Great. Now it’s a love-triangle showdown. She should’ve left earlier instead of standing here like an idiot. She needed to calm the male lead’s suspicion since this kid was notoriously vindictive.

Then the moonlit “prince” smiled faintly. He walked up to the boy, lifted a hand, and brushed back his black hair, fingers lingering at the nape of his neck. Bringing a strand to his nose, he inhaled lightly, half-lidded blue eyes glowing with dangerous amusement.

“Sweetheart, how could you think that? She isn’t even worth a single strand of your hair.”

The soft murmur was like the most seductive confession, a blood-red rose blooming among thorns.

“If you ever grow tired of her,” he added with a smile, “come find me. I’ll be waiting, anytime.”

Leaving the dazed boy standing there, Xing Ge swiftly slid into her car, slammed the door, and hit the gas. The vehicle shot forward like a streak of starlight.

Gripping the steering wheel, she thought, Okay! This time, I definitely didn’t mess anything up.

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